Introduction: The Importance of Relationships – Warm Demanders – in Schools
Hi, my name is Susie Fahrer, and I am the Executive Director of Rainbow Community School and Omega Middle School. This morning, I am thinking about the concept of building relationships with students in schools with families.
As you can imagine, a relationship is one of the most critical elements in determining a young person’s success throughout their educational experience. Those are relationships that they develop with their teachers, with their administrators, and the ways in which the school staff is able to partner with families. Seeing those partnerships and understanding, for students, that they have many adults within a community to build trust and connection with, is an inherent part of creating a really powerful, long-term matriculation for a child.
One of the reasons it’s so critical is because we’re finding more and more that the science of building relationships is connected to the capacity of all of us to be our best selves, to achieve at our highest levels. This is in direct correlation to being able to learn, grow, develop, and meet your potential.
Understanding the “Warm Demander”
One of the ways that we talk about this here at Rainbow is a term that is relatively new to me, but one that, when I describe it, I imagine many of us will think of a person that fits this description. And it’s – the term is called a “warm demander.”
What it really describes is a person in your life who is able to build a relationship that creates clarity, structure, resources, and support to meet extremely high expectations. To understand what your potential is, to believe in yourself, to be reflected back that you can do incredibly challenging things, that you are resilient, and you are capable. Then, to be the coach on the sidelines, providing the resources to help you get there, and eventually to help you internalize those strategies.
My Experience with a Warm Demander
When I think back on my school experience, I was privileged to have many wonderful teachers. But the one that stands out for me, as a warm demander, was my sixth-grade teacher.
For me at that time, schooling was kindergarten through sixth grade in an elementary setting. At the same time, sixth grade became a time in our lives when we were really sort of being ushered into preparations for middle school.
My teacher at first surprised me in the ways in which I moved into that classroom and felt a sense of business, felt a sense of purpose, felt a sense of challenge. It was intimidating a little bit at first. But because this teacher was so skilled in building relationships with me and my peers and cultivating experiences where we could try something that felt really difficult, eventually, over time, we built out our endurance to achieve it. It’s something that I attribute highly to my capacity to have moved into middle school with success.
Encouraging Your Child with Warm Demanders
I encourage you to think through experiences that you’ve had where someone has been that really clear, consistent, supportive message to you and helped you succeed.
Then think about what it would be like to put your child in an environment where they are surrounded by warm demanders – folks who see their potential. Folks who reflect that back to them. People who recognize that our young people need to be challenged to do things for themselves.
We are here as a resource and a facilitator, but there’s so much that our children can do. When we give them the space to attempt, have positive risks, sometimes fail, but have the people around them that will be there to provide all of the necessary encouragement and affirmation to try again.
Learn More About Warm Demanders
If you’re interested in learning more about warm demanders, there are resources attached. And of course, always come visit us. Come chat with me if you’re already a member of the community and want to learn more about being a warm demander, but we welcome you to join us here at Rainbow.
Understand the power of relationships as it relates to your child’s education. We are grateful for the opportunity to serve our community. Be well.
