When I dropped by our second grade classroom this morning, I was invited to stay for Centering. For a moment, I hesitated to accept the teacher’s invitation, then did. Slipping off my shoes and sitting down between two children, I noticed the wall clock read 2:00, not the appropriate 8:45. “I’ll have to bring her some batteries,” I thought.
But as we closed our eyes and took our first slow breath together, I found myself offering an appreciation for that little clock. “Oh good,” I thought. “Since I won’t know the time, I won’t feel rushed to get back to the office. I’ll be able to relax and enjoy this!” Inhaling and exhaling together for the second time, I smiled to myself, realizing I’d just been given a gentle reminder. A reminder to stop, breathe, and be – existing totally in the present moment.
On our third in and out breath, my appreciation shifted from the clock to our teachers – my own son’s teachers. Over the past eight years, their ability to be present to him and to all our children has been one of the things I have been most grateful for – something I’m sure doesn’t appear on any of their resumes. “I need to tell them this,” I reminded myself as I became present to the teacher’s words.
Slipping my shoes back on and hugging a few children goodbye as I left their classroom, I found myself wanting to leave that little clock just as it is. ~ Carole
How do we gauge how much to expect from our child?  For example, by the age of ten, my expectations of my oldest daughter were very adult-like, but every once in a while I would catch a glimpse of her from a distance, and I would realize how little she still was. I was telling Jessica Redford, one of our wise preschool teachers, about this, and she replied, “High expectations aren’t so bad; it’s how you react when your expectations are not met that matters.”Â
Low expectations are just as common. Our children develop so quickly, that often we don’t notice they are ready for a new level of challenge. Just when we figure out one stage of development, they’re on to another phase. Jessy Tickle, another RMCS preschool teacher, told me last week about a student who wanted his parent to zip up his coat. The parent said, “But Miss Jessy tells me you can do this by yourself at school.” The boy replied to his mom, “Did Miss Jessy tell you that?!”  (Now he knows that Miss Jessy and mom are a team.)  Parents have learned a lot from seeing how much their child can accomplish in school. As teachers, we are not doing our job if we don’t push kids a little beyond their comfort zone in order to develop more independence and responsibility.  I often have to restrain myself from swooping in to help a four year old close up his lunch box, for instance. It only seems natural to help, but the teachers will patiently allow them time to do it on their own, and if the child asks for help, they’ll provide assistance or a verbal clue, rather than doing it for them.  Our teachers have high regard for their students.
After I entered the teaching profession, my expectations for my own children would recalibrate frequently, as I was able to compare them with a variety of other children. Child development texts may be the official source, and other parent literature is helpful, but if you really want to know what your expectations should be at this stage, ask a teacher. You’ll find that Rainbow teachers are more than happy to share their observations with you. Of course, another great source is other parents. Rainbow is a giant parent support group. If you think something your child is doing is abnormal, just ask other parents, and they’re likely to tell you their child is doing the same thing. There is no such thing as normal. Every child is totally unique and wonderful.
When you ________, I feel _________, because________. I need you to ________________, please.Â
Having trouble communicating with someone? Most of us have heard about using “I” statements for conflict resolution. Our students grow up at Rainbow learning how to recognize their feelings and how to express themselves compassionately, yet firmly. In many cases, they are better at it than adults.Â
Recently, the faculty had two opportunites to learn more about healthy communication and conflict resolution, both so we can teach it to our students and for our own personal and professional growth. Jerry Donoghue led a Compassionate Communication training at our faculty retreat in August, and in September, Rachelle Sorensen-Cox, from Girls on the Run, incorporated communication issues into her ADHD training. Rachelle taught us the “When you-I feel-because-I need you to… please” technique. The Girls on the Run program teaches this technique to girls in third through eighth grade.
Try it out, and you will find it really works. Why? Because it requires the speaker to identify what their true feelings are and what their needs are, without blaming anyone. As Jerry Donoghue puts it, “Most people are living in a right/wrong paradigm. Compassionate Communication gets us out of the ‘I’m right and your wrong’ mindset, and helps us communicate about what the true issues are, so we can solve problems.”
By the way, we learned in Compassionate Communication the difference between feelings and verbs. For example, If you were to say, ” I feel judged.” That isn’t a feeling, per se. Why not?  Your main clue is that judged is a verb. What you are really doing is accusing the listener of  judging, or of being judgemental, so it’s not really an “I” statement. Whereas, if you say you feel uncomfortable, that is an emotion.Â
Social and emotional intelligence is the key to successful friendships, relationships, and careers. As we learn to develop new communication habits as adults, hopefully, our children will learn from our example, and they won’t have to unlearn poor habits later on. To learn more about Compassionate Communcation visit www.cnvc.org.
It’s on the radio, in the news…and in the classroom. We hear about ADD and ADHD on a regular basis, and it’s a very controversial topic. Does it even exist? Is it new or has it always existed? Is it caused by media exposure? Diet? Pollution?
Given the list of symptoms, one wonders if half the population or more is on the attention deficient disorder spectrum. If so many people really have it, is it even a disorder?
Most importantly, for educators: If so many children have ADD or ADHD, how should school be structured to accommodate this large population?
Teacher Training
This was the topic of an all day teacher training at Rainbow Mountain Children’s School. We invited five experts from our community to discuss this important topic with our faculty and to answer our questions.
All the presentations were excellent, including Rudi Rodriguez, director of ADHD Center for Success. You may have just heard Rudi on WCQS’ Evening Rounds radio show with David Hurand.
By the end of the day, we had accomplished several learning goals:
Welearned how to identify symptoms of ADHD. Ron Stier, program manager for professional parenting helped with indentifying behaviors and how to curb the behavior challenges ADHD children present. Personally, I now feel that whether a child is officially diagnosed or not, isn’t as important as how we best meet each child’s needs. Almost everyone has at least one trait in common with ADD or ADHD, so it makes sense to be able to recognize these traits, and help children as needed.
Strategies for accommodating specific children in the classroom. A typical dilemma is how to accommodate one child without distracting others. For example, it isn’t uncommon for an ADHD kid to do a lot of fiddling, clicking a pen, tapping, etc. These behaviors do actually help them focus (otherwise they are in danger of spacing off), but they sometimes distract other students. A wise teacher has quiet objects available for them to fiddle with, such as modeling clay or beeswax. We have folks on staff who are well-versed in this area and can provide tools for students.
Strategies to implement for the whole class that help ADHD children, but they are simply good teaching techniques that are helpful for all children. Rachelle Sorensen-Cox, of Girls on the Run, actually took us on a run/walk to help demonstrate how essential physical activity is for the brains of all children, but especially those with ADHD. After getting the heart rate up, endorphins flood the brain, and ADHD kids can concentrate. Most important, school should be a vibrant place that addresses the whole child. Learning should be, and can be, enjoyable for all children.
Maintaining a Loving Environment
In general, the best environment for focus is one that is loving; enjoyable; challenging and stimulating; with an underlying, predictable structure and rhythm.
It felt good to receive confirmation that we are already, naturally implementing these techniques, but we’ll be more conscious of them, and we added a lot of new tools to our teaching tool box. Most importantly, we see each child as an individual.
If you sometimes wonder if your child has ADHD and you are looking for resources, here are some resources:
A little girl from a public school was telling a little girl who attends Rainbow Mountain Children’s School that she has a principal at her school. The Rainbow child boasted, “We don’t have a principal at Rainbow, we have an executioner!”Â
What we actually have is an exectuive director, but that child wasn’t worried about whether she had the word exactly right. Young children who have been raised compassionately are not afraid of making mistakes or of being wrong. They say goofy things all the time, and if no one has mocked them, they don’t mind adults chuckling at how “cute” they are. In order to learn, they have to be willing to dig in and try new things, without fear of doing it “wrong,” or, as we say at Rainbow, without being too self conscious. In a marvelous lecture by Sir Ken Robinson (from a past TED event), SKR points out that it is this willingness to explore, to “have a go” at something, that leads to creativity.
Unfortunately, in conventional education with its atmosphere of tesing, children early on learn that mistakes are the worst thing they can make. SKR argues that in the American educational system, children are educated out of their creativity.
To see all of Sir Ken Robinsons’s TED speech titled “Do Schools Kill Creativity?,” visit Do Schools Kill Creativity? SKR has classic English wit, so be prepared to be entertained AND educated.
Our mission statement includes the word “discovery.” We agree with Sir Ken Robinson when he claims that children are born creative, and our job as educators isn’t to teach them how to be creative, but how to enhance their creativity and make is useful. Both at school at home, we want our children to feel safe to explore, try new things, and to learn from their mistakes.
The first week of school is always inspiring. Yesterday I received a wonderful note from the parent of two students at Rainbow: This evening my kids were telling me about their day in front of a little girl who lives across the street. They were telling me about starting “intricate and complex self-portraits.” The other little girl asked “What does that teach you in third grade?”  [My son] said, “Our school does fun things and you learn things without even knowing it!” [My daughter] said, Yea, our teacher makes everything very fun and she is so smart.” The conversation went on a while and at the end [my daughter] said, “I love school” and [my son] smiled and said, “Yeah, me too”.Â
Later they told me it is going to be the best year ever!Â
Thank you Rainbow Community)for being a part of making my children enjoy school, love learning, and getting to be a part of an amazing community.
